Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
