dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
