see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Buhtt sex?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
