We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
