So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
