it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
