Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
