GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
