I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
