So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
