is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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