Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
