i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
