just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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