I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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