He uses pillows to masturbate.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
and she was petting her beer can
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
