By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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