I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
