it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
