im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
