I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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