I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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