we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
