Need sex. Gaining weight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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