Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
