a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
