Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
