you win again, gameday.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
