So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
