im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
