if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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