so explain again why im purple
no
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
