During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My penis needs a shock collar
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
