No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
