Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
