3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
