Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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