He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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