the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
