Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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