so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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