If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
