Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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