I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
