in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
