Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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