I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
