Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
