hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
