I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
