you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
