I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
